Caring and coping
Caring for a loved one takes devotion, commitment and so much more
Caregiving impacts people – physically, financially and emotionally – affecting careers, lifestyles and states of mind. According to one study, the number of adult children providing personal care and/or financial assistance to a parent has more than tripled over the past 15 years to nearly 10 million people. While no two experiences are the same, here are some common things to expect and how to prepare should you or someone you know suddenly be thrust into the role.
The physical
In an ideal world, we don’t anticipate a loved one needing care. But, in the real world, chances are that most of us will become a caregiver on some level, maybe to a spouse or aging parents.
In thinking about the progression of types of care, first consider if paid care is in the cards or if unpaid in-home care is your only choice. Most people want to stay in their own homes as long as they can, but family members may be hesitant to leave someone who needs care alone. For some, a combination approach (e.g., unpaid care from friends and family and paid in-home services) may be a good idea and could allow your loved one to remain where he or she feels most comfortable.
For those unable to single-handedly undertake these tasks, residential centers such as assisted living (more independence and less-involved medical needs), nursing homes (full-service medical care and supervision) and specific or continuing care facilities can help.
Discussing what your loved one is comfortable with, while being realistic, is the best way to start the conversation. Once you’ve agreed on the care they need, the costs must be broached. Your financial advisor can help you add it all up and help you determine what works best in your situation.
Successful Women
FALL 2015
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The financial
When caring for someone still living in or returning to their home, the costs of homemaker or home health aide services depend on the level of support needed. For homemaker services, think household tasks that can’t be managed alone and “hands-off†care such as cooking, cleaning and running errands. Home health aides provide more extensive care, including “hands-on†personal care, but not medical care. The national median hourly rate is about $20, and the cost of homemaker services increased more than 4% from 2013 to 2014.
There is much to consider, but remember, you don’t have to plan alone for the costs associated with the care that’s right for your loved one. Your family and your parents’ professional advisors can help you figure out what they can afford in order to help you determine what you’re willing – and able – to contribute.
The emotional
Perhaps most important is the emotional impact caregiving can have on both parties. Your loved one may have to face the fact that they’re incapable of doing certain things on their own, which may manifest itself in anger, frustration or shame. Aging faculties, too, can result in erratic behavior. On the other hand, your loved one may be grateful that you are by their side.
You’ll experience some powerful emotions as well. Someone you’ve loved and admired is becoming more and more dependent, and the strong parent or spouse you remember may not be as evident. You may feel guilty and feel that perhaps you’re not the best spouse, co-worker, parent or caregiver. The truth is you can’t do it all; you’ll need to set boundaries for yourself and your family, and – this is important – get as much help as you can.
Willing and able, with love
Although caregiving can seem like a burden, it often is undertaken freely and with great love. For caregivers themselves, the payback is a chance to develop a stronger relationship with a parent who tenderly cared for them or a spouse with whom they’ve built a life. If it gets overwhelming, and it will, remind yourself of the reasons you’re there: love, gratitude and a desire to help. Those things alone can make the effort more than worthwhile.
Sources: Family Caregiver Alliance, caregiver.org; U.S. Department of Health & Human Services; MetLife Study of Caregiving Costs to Working Caregivers, 2011; Institutional Retirement Income Council, “The Problem with Living Too Long,†2013; National Alliance for Caregiving in collaboration with AARP; “Caregiving in the United States,†November 2009; Per year/
Genworth Financial, Genworth 2013 Cost of Care Survey and Genworth 2014 Cost of Care Survey.
Material prepared by Raymond James for use by its advisors.